the words left unsaid, words we cannot swallow
by falsebeginnings
Summary: but they’ve already played this cat and mouse game too many times and maybe the only way to reach the final level, is to give whatever-they-are a chance.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, if I did Chuck and Blair would be plotting everyone's downfall right about now. **

Author's Note: I wrote this at 2:00 in the morning, so if there are any mistakes or if you just plain think it sucks, I apologize. Also, there is no specific timeline. I think it works in Season One or Two, doesn't matter (unless of course you think differently).

**the words left unsaid, words we cannot swallow**

The word _love_ has never been uttered in his household (a Bass doesn't do _feelings_), and he's fine with that. He's never felt the need to hear it, not from his dad (sometimes, rare times, he'd like to hear it from him but that's just wishful thinking), not from his best friend (sometimes when their high, Nate says those words – _i love you_, man – and he can't help but feel _something_, he doesn't know what it is but it makes him feel warm all over), and definitely not from any of his random fucks (she doesn't know if _she_ constitutes as one, but he likes to think she's more than that). doesn't want to turn into Nate, always mooning over one girl (he doesn't understand how Nate can throw away a girl like Blair – who is beautiful and witty and so damn _perfect_, oh _fuck_ did he just say that?) for years and years and years but he has butterflies now, actual _butterflies _(when did he turn into a _fucking_ girl? worse, when did he turn into Dan Humphrey?) and he doesn't know what they mean (of course he does, he just doesn't want to say it out loud because if he does then it's true and if it's true then he's dead). All he knows is that Blair Waldorf does something to him, something that no other girl has managed to do to Chuck Bass, and he doesn't know if he likes it or not.

The word _love _is never spoken whenever they're together, never mentioned, never asked because Blair knows that once one of them says it (and it isn't going to be her) this _thing_, this _arrangement_ that they have is going to turn into a relationship, and she doesn't want that. She doesn't want _butterflies _fluttering inside her (but she thinks she might already have caterpillars) making her feel like what she has with him could be more than just sex, more than late night screws, she doesn't want that because she's been there, she's felt it all before. The fluttering, the appetite loss, the lack of sleep, it's how she felt when she was with Nate. Nate, with the promises (he said they were forever), and the kisses (Nate always kissed her softly, gently) and the kind blue eyes (the ones that she used to stare at all day). Nate, with the cheating (when did forever end?), with the lying (why is it always Serena?), with the constant disappointment (why am I never enough?). She doesn't think she can do it all over again, because she knows all she ends up with is more pain, more disappointment, more heartache and she's had enough of all three.

They're both too broken, too manipulative, too bitchy, too alike to ever really make it work, too ever have a relationship that Blair has dreamt about since she was a little girl but Blair's figured out a long time ago that there were no such thing as fairy tales (he's no Prince Charming, but she's never been Cinderella anyway – more like the Wicked Stepmother) or happily ever afters. No one is perfect (not Nate, not Serena, and definitely not Dan Humphrey – no matter how many times he thinks he's better than the rest of them) especially not Blair and Chuck. They were both weighed down with imperfections. Especially when it came to one another but when they were together, when they kissed, when they touched, they were _perfect_. The kind that makes you want to push someone away, but they've already played this cat and mouse game too many times (they've mastered it by now. no one can play it quite like they can), and maybe the only way to reach the final level, is to give _whatever-they-are _a chance.

They don't know if they can do _this_, trust each other, fall for each other, catch each other, _(gulp) _love each other but they try and try and try and try until one day (Chuck finally tells her those three words – well more like nine words, I _love _you, _need_ you, _want_ you, _crave_ you, and she's rendered speechless) they finally get it right.


End file.
